(with apologies to EAP)
Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered bleak and bleary
O'er many a quaint and curious bottle of forgotten booze,
As I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
Loud, insistent, forceful rapping and I shouted to find out whose.

As I rose the room went spinning, as to mock me for my ginning,
Spinning round and reeling madly as I went stumbling to the door.
Feeling sick, I threw it open, barely capable of coping,
To find the liquor store had sent a half a dozen bottles more!

I clenched my teeth and held my gut, I tried in vain to stop it, but
In bright, kaleidoscopic hues, I lost my dinner and my booze.
I knew I couldn't feel much worse, I dug in pockets for my purse,
Ignoring the kid's protestation 'bout the sad state of his shoes.

When I listened to his griping, I bent downward, started wiping,
Smearing worse the mess I had deposited there upon his feet.
He left me then, in high dudgeon, left me there within my dungeon
Feeling sick and weak and putrid; like barely living, rotted meat.

I lay all night in a muddle, my head lying in a puddle,
Dreaming of a life of pleasure, dreaming of some sweet Lenore.
When I awoke my head was aching, stomach still was badly quaking.
I wished I'd die, I felt so bad. I'll drink that hard stuff nevermore!