On the morning of 8 January 1990, I was sitting in a lounge area on the third floor of State Hall on the campus of Wayne State University. That date was the first anniversary of the day I gave up smoking, and I was reflecting on that subject which is probably why events progressed as they did. I looked out the window and saw an advertising placard on the side of a bus. It said, "God Smokes." I looked again. Now it said "Good Smokes, but the thought had taken seed and Autobiography of God was born.

Autobiography of God

God Smokes

God smokes Camels.
Well, not anymore

      (He quit when the Surgeon-
      General warned that they are
      dangerous to your health)

God smoked Camels.
They made him feel
like a real He-God.

      (not that He felt inadequate
      as a god)

God smoked Camels
and blew rings of
Holy Smoke.

      (these became known
      as "haloes")

God smoked Camels.
He had a cough of
Olympian proportion.

      (it was frequently mistaken
      for thunder here on Earth)

God smoked Camels.

      (He never had to walk the mile)

The Further Adventures of God

God brushed with Crest
and wore Calvin Klein jeans.

      (He wanted to blend in
      and be one of the crowd)

God tried to be "one of the folks,"
but He was still in the Pepsi generation
when everyone else was in the Me generation.

      (He felt that He had
      already done that as much as
      He cared to.)

God learned computer programming
in His spare time
at home.

      (He got the idea from
      a matchbook)

God got a haircut
and shaved off his beard.

      (it made Him look
      ten years younger)

God got a job as a dishwasher
at Johnnie's.

      (but He always ate lunch at the
      place next door)

God Falls in Love

God fell in love
with a woman named Alma.

      (No, her last name was NOT Mater)

God wanted to impress her
so He created life.

      (she contemplated an abortion)

God roared and shouted
and struck her with

      (if He had been a Love God
      He might have handled it better)

God Goes to School

God got a special scholarship
for Angry Gods with
a GPA of 3.5
or better.

      (He majored in Cosmos Management)

God took CHE 777

       (Creating Life. He got a B+)

God took ANT 963

      (Origin of Man. He didn't understand
      the material very well.
      He got a C)

God Goes to War

God dropped out and joined the

      (when He was young He had been
      a God of War. He figured
      He would do well)

God got shot in Somalia
by a frightened civilian
who obviously mistook Him
for someone who gives a damn

      (the bullet lodged in His brain)

God became a vegetable
in a war against starvation.